Mishalak's Rules of Drinking

[mishalak]

First Draft
A Reply to The Modern Drunkard 86 Rules of Boozing

1. Thou shall always have at least one glass of water (or other non alcoholic beverage) with something to drink, if not also something to eat. If the Russians or anyone else thinks this is wimpy, screw 'em. The goal is to have fun, not a contest to see who can have the worst hangover in the morning.

2. Drink what you like. If everyone else is having beer but you want a something fruity with an umbrella, order it! If you avoid drinking what you like because someone is going to tease you for ordering a "girly" drink you need to get some confidence and some better friends.

3. Tip, but don't tip extravagantly. Nothing says pathetic loser like throwing away money in trying to impress the bartender. Also tips are for good service, if the bartender is surly, mixes poorly, or treats you as sub human 'e doesn't deserve a tip. And in that case why the hell are we drinking here anyway?

4. If you try to pay me back money you owe me in beer you will die or wish you had. If you take my alcohol without permission you will die or feel like you did.

5. Buying someone a drink is cool, but it is uncool to expect that drink to pay for an evening of sex or a phone number.

6. Real friends do not challenge friends to chug anything. It's boorish and again this is about having fun, not a contest for quickest to be three sheets to the wind. If he wants to sip a shot, that's his own business. If you have a problem with this, get a life.

7. Never cook with wine you would not drink.

8. If a party is BYOB don't bring off brand down market junk and drink the high quality stuff someone else brought unless they offer some to you.

9. If a party is in a home, don't go into the bedrooms unless the doors are open or you have been specifically told to go into one by the resident. It is not okay to go around "just checking things out".

10. Don't complain endlessly about the bar/party/pub while hanging out there. If you don't like the situation just leave all ready.

11. It's only okay to drink alone if it is one glass with dinner.

12. A round of drinks for friends is a gift around anyone with sense. It should not be expected that everyone else in the group buy a round, this is the bloody well 21st century, not the 17th. And once more going out for drink is about having fun, not about getting falling down shit faced.

13. Someone being drunk is not an invitation to do nasty things to 'em. Be kind. In fact the poor drunk might deserve it, but still don't. May your luck always keep you from what you deserve and not giving it to someone else helps with that.

Comments

[shadowpryde.livejournal.com]

Here, here! Excellent rules of drinking!

Annabel

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[redbird]

Have I mentioned that you're a sensible person?

I haven't read the thing you're replying to, and feel no desire to read it, but yes, drink what you like--and anyone who bitches about "girly" drinks around me will get to explain, in detail, why they think it's acceptable to use "girly" as an insult. I make an exception on #7, because I basically don't drink wine.

Anyone who thinks you should have sex with them because they bought you a drink is insulting you: if I were for sale, it would cost a lot more than that. I'll give my phone number to people I'd like to hear from: it doesn't take buying a drink, it takes being interesting and not overbearing.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I hope sensible and fun. No one wants to be just plain sensible. <grin>

It had some good rules, but a lot of things like, "20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks." I do need to put some more amusing rules in here.

One of my best moments in a bar. A drunk seedy looking guy comes up to me and offers me a drink (which I turn down) tells me I'm cute he's like to fuck me and then asks for my phone number. "No, I'm not drunk or stupid." It was a perfect 'no'. With all the right amounts of sneer.

[redbird]

I hope sensible and fun. No one wants to be just plain sensible.

I think we both manage that combination. It means I'll skip across the street--but I wear shoes I can skip in. Making sure to leave room for dessert, rather than overstuffing myself. That sort of thing.

[armoire-man.livejournal.com]

Aw, come on! What's the fun of drinking while you're young if you don't occasionally get insensible, idiotic, stupid, weird, nasty and brutish?

(I mean...do it now...don't wait till later...later's much more embarrassing...)

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I don't have the weight to do brutish. Or the personality to be nasty. Catty, yes. But that's a whole different ballpark in another state.

[alias-lilacgirl.livejournal.com]

8. If a party is BYOB don't bring off brand down market junk and drink the high quality stuff someone else brought unless they offer some to you.
Or bring super market brand soda. :-)

11. It's only okay to drink alone if it is one glass with dinner.
What if it's a hard cider and cookies and the internet? Oh, wait, this could be my dinner.

13. Someone being drunk is not an invitation to do nasty things to 'em.
...because you may be next.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Well... I suppose I'll allow biscuts. As long as it is only the one cider. But I want #13 to aply to people who don't get drunk too. I don't get drunk, but I still don't do nasty things to people who are. Though I inadvertantly made someone thing I was a vampire when he was high by smiling with fangs in.