Almost a Review: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love

[mishalak]

My first criticism is that this book's title is very misleading. Which in some ways is an unfair complaint because that's par for the course in books that are supposedly to help you. What the author means by finding real love is figuring out how to live with a person after the euphoria of hooking up wears off in 2-5 years. What I suspect most guys picking up the book will be thinking will be, "Oh yes! Finally a guide to figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong and why I don't get dates, those dates don't turn into something more, etc..."

I'm of the first category there by the way. Though really it is my own damn fault that I don't have dates. I'm picky, tend to avoid social situations, and I push people away like Adrian Monk at a mud wrestling convention.

In some ways it is a terribly useful book about how to manage being in a relationship, but I would like something a great deal more nuts and bolts. Not that I'd be in the mood to use one right now. At this moment the only human company I could stand would be filtered through several layers of technology. And even at that I'm likely to be grumpy and about as unlikable as John Adams.

The real value for me is all these examples of how people behave differently because they had different experiences from me growing up. Very useful for writing. Though reading it also leaves me mystified. Oh well. Maybe it will make sense if I ever have a relationship that lasts longer than three to six months.

Comments

[doja35.livejournal.com]

Now I could write the book '10 Stupid a Gay Man Can Do To Become A Complete Doormat In Their Relationship' - worked out years agao I would be the worst person to ever give out advice.

As one of my friends recently pointed out - 'You know you are amazing, you have stayed with your partner through thick (and many) thin, I think it's amazing! Just one question - for God's sake why?????'

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Well... I don't know your situation. But the book was terribly useful for saying one of those blindingly obvious things. No one is perfect and as long as both of you are willing to change for the better it will work out. And then it went into lots of fruity psychology about repeating past traumas with new partners and having to figure that out to stop doing the same thing over and over. That made some sense, but I think it could have been put in less Freudian terms.

[doja35.livejournal.com]

I just need something a little bit simple like:
1) Don't date alcholics.
2) Don't date men with more emotional baggage than Emelda Marcus had shoes.
3) Don't date drug abusers
4) Don't trust your crap judgement in men full stop - ask one of your friends what they think.....

sigh!!!!

But best of luck!!! Love is an adventure (mine's just currently more 'Temple of Doom')

;-)

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

See this is why I don't get dates. I'm #2 all the way and so any sane person that I'm attracted to runs when I open my mouth.

[doja35.livejournal.com]

We all have emotional baggage!! Okay sometimes our emotional baggage has been caused by someone elses emotional baggage! The most important thing a person can be is true to themselves and truthful!!!

There is someone out there (race you for him!!!!)

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

If I was true to myself then I would have slit my wrists ten years ago. And, why yes, I am difficult and argumentative as well.

[doja35.livejournal.com]

hmmmmm!!!! You say difficult and I say strong willed and selective! You say arguementatie and I say has a strong sense of self and knows what he wants - doesn't suffer fools easily.

As for me - I can't/don't argue - it really annoys the Boyf - I'll have a talk about things but will not loose my temper!! But it's our differences which make us wonderful - it would be boring if we were all the same (though God really should have given me a beautiful body).

How's the hair growing going? Mine is going through a great stage - still too short to go into a pony-tail but getting there......

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

No really, I'm just difficult. Sometimes I throw verbal bombs just because I can. Mostly at people who have positions I don't like. Libertarians, republicans, democrats, socialists, communists, humanists... well people in general would cover it I suppose.

Here is an icon that shows how the hair growing is going.