Movies I Have No Intention of Seeing
May. 31st, 2006 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mishalakOr, the crap of Summer.
It looks like I'll have plenty of time to get exercise this summer since I won't be going to theaters very often. Looking up what will be playing this summer reconfirms my intention to tune out for the next few months, though there might be one low budget film I'd consider.
The Break-Up
The flood of ads say to me that I should have absolutely no interest in seeing this movie. Most things that get a flood of ads are junk. No really, there is this inverse relationship between numbers of ads and quality of plot, particularly if the ads have all the best moments in the movie. This looks to be of the type.
Nacho Libre
A Jack Black vehicle taking a story that might otherwise be interesting in the hands of an actor with talent or comedic timing and reducing it to The Three Stooges go Wrassling.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
If I go see this movie may I kill an actor of my choice from it? Rich boys and their cars; they make me wish I had Magneto's power so I could fling them into convenient bodies of water. And how much you want to bet that even though it is supposedly set in Japan there won't be a single actual Japanese person in the credited cast? Hollywood type, "Eh all Asians look the same to Americans, just cast some Asian Americans and film it in LA." <checks IMDB> And I was right. By the way, I saw a bit from the first of these movies on television one night. It made me wonder if it was a parody at first the people looked so uncool. Who the hell thinks its cool to wear baggy white overalls and have a comb stuck in his hair?
Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties
Did anyone see the last one? Will anyone see this one? It won't even be funny bad, it will just be bland. A serious contender for worst movie of the year. If I was a movie theater owner I'd tell the studios they'd need to pay me to show this crap.
Click
Adam Sandler in a Bruce Almighty rip-off. I predict the usual jokes about a guy who doesn't appreciate his wife and learns a very important lesson.
Superman Returns
I've yet to see a flood of ads for this movie, which should be a good sign. And the two ads I saw online make the movie look like total crap, which also should be a good sign. The bad news is that Warner Brothers has apparently made the movie be some sort of big tie in thing with Smallville, one of the worst programs on TV as of the current season. Hello kryptonite monster of the week with a Lex Luthor tie in. I'm willing to bet this will be one of the worst big budget offerings of the summer.
Little Man
It's a Wayans brothers' movie. They have their audience, and it isn't me. 'Nuff said.
Clerks II
I don't think I've liked any of Kevin Smith's movies since Mallrats, and that was only mildly amusing. I need to see this movie like I need to get the animated Clerks on DVD.
Miami Vice
Greeeeat, another TV show remake. Remind me again which one of those have been any good?
Barnyard
Everything snarky I could say pales next to the horror lurking under the surface of this movie's IMDB description. "When Farmer Beady goes away, it's time for the animals to talk and sing and dance. But when elder statesman Ben the Cow (Elliott) asks who will step up and protect their secrets, all eyes turn to his son, Otis (James), a carefree type who's more interested in pursuing Daisy (Cox), the cow of his dreams, than being responsible." Run away!
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
"Will Ferrell stars..." "Okay Hollywood, you lost me already. Not that you'll be mourning over that fact or anything. I bet he makes you lots of money, especially in a movie about NASCAR. Rednecks start your engines."
World Trade Center
An Oliver Stone Film. Somebody put this director out of America's misery. There may be directors out there who could make an event we all saw endlessly on the news for six months interesting, but I'm sure that Stone is one of them. I mean what's he going to do? Have the CIA conspire to blow up the towers?
It looks like I'll have plenty of time to get exercise this summer since I won't be going to theaters very often. Looking up what will be playing this summer reconfirms my intention to tune out for the next few months, though there might be one low budget film I'd consider.
The Break-Up
The flood of ads say to me that I should have absolutely no interest in seeing this movie. Most things that get a flood of ads are junk. No really, there is this inverse relationship between numbers of ads and quality of plot, particularly if the ads have all the best moments in the movie. This looks to be of the type.
Nacho Libre
A Jack Black vehicle taking a story that might otherwise be interesting in the hands of an actor with talent or comedic timing and reducing it to The Three Stooges go Wrassling.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
If I go see this movie may I kill an actor of my choice from it? Rich boys and their cars; they make me wish I had Magneto's power so I could fling them into convenient bodies of water. And how much you want to bet that even though it is supposedly set in Japan there won't be a single actual Japanese person in the credited cast? Hollywood type, "Eh all Asians look the same to Americans, just cast some Asian Americans and film it in LA." <checks IMDB> And I was right. By the way, I saw a bit from the first of these movies on television one night. It made me wonder if it was a parody at first the people looked so uncool. Who the hell thinks its cool to wear baggy white overalls and have a comb stuck in his hair?
Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties
Did anyone see the last one? Will anyone see this one? It won't even be funny bad, it will just be bland. A serious contender for worst movie of the year. If I was a movie theater owner I'd tell the studios they'd need to pay me to show this crap.
Click
Adam Sandler in a Bruce Almighty rip-off. I predict the usual jokes about a guy who doesn't appreciate his wife and learns a very important lesson.
Superman Returns
I've yet to see a flood of ads for this movie, which should be a good sign. And the two ads I saw online make the movie look like total crap, which also should be a good sign. The bad news is that Warner Brothers has apparently made the movie be some sort of big tie in thing with Smallville, one of the worst programs on TV as of the current season. Hello kryptonite monster of the week with a Lex Luthor tie in. I'm willing to bet this will be one of the worst big budget offerings of the summer.
Little Man
It's a Wayans brothers' movie. They have their audience, and it isn't me. 'Nuff said.
Clerks II
I don't think I've liked any of Kevin Smith's movies since Mallrats, and that was only mildly amusing. I need to see this movie like I need to get the animated Clerks on DVD.
Miami Vice
Greeeeat, another TV show remake. Remind me again which one of those have been any good?
Barnyard
Everything snarky I could say pales next to the horror lurking under the surface of this movie's IMDB description. "When Farmer Beady goes away, it's time for the animals to talk and sing and dance. But when elder statesman Ben the Cow (Elliott) asks who will step up and protect their secrets, all eyes turn to his son, Otis (James), a carefree type who's more interested in pursuing Daisy (Cox), the cow of his dreams, than being responsible." Run away!
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
"Will Ferrell stars..." "Okay Hollywood, you lost me already. Not that you'll be mourning over that fact or anything. I bet he makes you lots of money, especially in a movie about NASCAR. Rednecks start your engines."
World Trade Center
An Oliver Stone Film. Somebody put this director out of America's misery. There may be directors out there who could make an event we all saw endlessly on the news for six months interesting, but I'm sure that Stone is one of them. I mean what's he going to do? Have the CIA conspire to blow up the towers?
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-31 07:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-31 09:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-01 03:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-01 05:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-01 05:37 am (UTC)Oh yes. I remember him. I don't know what's with him, but I think I met him in person once and that's why he tried to IM me on Yahoo. Why? What's he doing now? (Not that I particularly care.)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-01 01:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-01 11:10 pm (UTC)Le cinema
Date: 2006-06-01 04:07 pm (UTC)The Movie Slut and I saw a French near-future action adventure last night that was pretty fun with amazing stunt work--District B-13. We figure it might only be a couple of years til it's remade in English. If we're lucky they'll remake it with Jet Li and someone like Colin Ferrell or Seann William Scott ... if we're unlucky it will be Wil Smith and (fill in the blank).
Re: Le cinema
Date: 2006-06-01 08:40 pm (UTC)Re: Le cinema
Date: 2006-06-02 07:18 am (UTC)