On Politeness
Dec. 22nd, 2005 10:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mishalakAn Essay Using the Specific Example of Behavior in Theaters
I doubt a lack of politeness indicates anything other than normal human behavior. Human beings are a diverse lot and among us are a few who just do not care about other people for a variety of reasons. It is hard to get everyone to conform to a set of rules. It did not happen consistently even when society was smaller and now it is large enough that a person can safely feel anonymous at all times. Because of this a lower percentage of children can be trained to obey societal rules even when there is no threat of punishment or reward. Looking at the evidence I think many or all psychopaths are born, not made, and there is no hope that they could be trained to be good society members.
If we, as a society, want a rule to be obeyed consistently it is not enough to promulgate it as, "the way things ought to be" there need to be serious rewards or punishments in proportion to how often the rule can be enforced. This is not to say that the enforcement of the rule must be established in formal law, just that mere disapproval is not a strong enough punishment in a city of teaming millions where an individual is unlikely to encounter someone he annoys again. (As it would be in a much smaller city where a person would encounter the same people over and over again even if they did not have the strange attractor factor that I have.)
To bring up the situation of a person talking on a mobile phone in a theater which inspired this essay, we need not station a police officer in theaters or make it actually illegal to talk in a theater, we simply need a critical mass of people willing to enforce the social rule. The reason people talk and use phones in the theater is they get away with it. If you have ever been sitting in a theater annoyed by a person and said nothing that is part of the problem. You did nothing because you felt uncomfortable enforcing the rule in a small way by either asking the person to stop or getting theater personnel to eject the offender, and so was everyone else with you in that theater.
Suggestions for making enforcement more likely: Theater owners need to have a clear policy on phone use and/or talking that makes sense to the vast majority of patrons and is known by the patrons. Theater owners also need a policy to reward rule enforcers who put themselves out, say by missing part of their movie to go get a manager or usher, to make people more likely to go get someone. The managers and ushers need to be trained to handle the situation efficiently and with a minimum of fuss.
Alternatively theater patrons need to take it upon themselves and get behind the person who stands up to the rule breaker. And there needs to be a consistent rule of etiquette about who should be the one to say something and how long he should put up with the misbehavior before saying something. For example the person closest or nearest to directly behind the offender should be the one who takes initiative. If this person has failed to do so for thirty seconds it falls to the next closest and so on until someone finally does something or the theater patrons realize they're all sheep.
The other alternative is to have silent enforcement of such rules by some sort of technological system, such as mobile phone blocking as is proposed by theater chains. This can also be applied more generally to everything in a society that is more ruled by social convention than the rule of law.
I doubt a lack of politeness indicates anything other than normal human behavior. Human beings are a diverse lot and among us are a few who just do not care about other people for a variety of reasons. It is hard to get everyone to conform to a set of rules. It did not happen consistently even when society was smaller and now it is large enough that a person can safely feel anonymous at all times. Because of this a lower percentage of children can be trained to obey societal rules even when there is no threat of punishment or reward. Looking at the evidence I think many or all psychopaths are born, not made, and there is no hope that they could be trained to be good society members.
If we, as a society, want a rule to be obeyed consistently it is not enough to promulgate it as, "the way things ought to be" there need to be serious rewards or punishments in proportion to how often the rule can be enforced. This is not to say that the enforcement of the rule must be established in formal law, just that mere disapproval is not a strong enough punishment in a city of teaming millions where an individual is unlikely to encounter someone he annoys again. (As it would be in a much smaller city where a person would encounter the same people over and over again even if they did not have the strange attractor factor that I have.)
To bring up the situation of a person talking on a mobile phone in a theater which inspired this essay, we need not station a police officer in theaters or make it actually illegal to talk in a theater, we simply need a critical mass of people willing to enforce the social rule. The reason people talk and use phones in the theater is they get away with it. If you have ever been sitting in a theater annoyed by a person and said nothing that is part of the problem. You did nothing because you felt uncomfortable enforcing the rule in a small way by either asking the person to stop or getting theater personnel to eject the offender, and so was everyone else with you in that theater.
Suggestions for making enforcement more likely: Theater owners need to have a clear policy on phone use and/or talking that makes sense to the vast majority of patrons and is known by the patrons. Theater owners also need a policy to reward rule enforcers who put themselves out, say by missing part of their movie to go get a manager or usher, to make people more likely to go get someone. The managers and ushers need to be trained to handle the situation efficiently and with a minimum of fuss.
Alternatively theater patrons need to take it upon themselves and get behind the person who stands up to the rule breaker. And there needs to be a consistent rule of etiquette about who should be the one to say something and how long he should put up with the misbehavior before saying something. For example the person closest or nearest to directly behind the offender should be the one who takes initiative. If this person has failed to do so for thirty seconds it falls to the next closest and so on until someone finally does something or the theater patrons realize they're all sheep.
The other alternative is to have silent enforcement of such rules by some sort of technological system, such as mobile phone blocking as is proposed by theater chains. This can also be applied more generally to everything in a society that is more ruled by social convention than the rule of law.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-22 08:10 pm (UTC)Over all I agree with you. Just not sure about the whole punishing everyone for a few people's failures....
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-22 08:59 pm (UTC)Lightsabers would be ideal if it could not be relied upon that there would be at least one person in each theater to enforce the rule. When people are only occasionally stopped/caught the punishment must be raised to make people think twice. Hence ridiculously high fines for minor traffic infractions (plus the revenue generation issue).
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-26 09:02 pm (UTC)My list of light sbaer-able infractions increased tremendously while at Disney.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-23 02:13 am (UTC)could be problematic for doctors, potential transplant recipients, etc. But you probably know that already.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-23 02:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-25 01:06 am (UTC)So, I would say that blocking is not necessary. I do believe it is necessary for people in general to have better manners. I have said things such as "I didn't pay $6 to hear your conversation." to someone on a cellphone during a film. I've been cussed at and told to "mind your own fucking business."
At that point, I go and get an usher, and have once had an altercation which resulted in a young man being asked to leave the theatre, and the management offered me free tickets to another film, which I gratefully accepted.
Any more, I don't like going to theaters. I've become spoiled by the privilege of watching movies in my own home, with the snacks I want to eat, in chairs that are comfortable, surrounded by people I like and don't mind if they say something, and they tend not to bring their phones with them to the movies.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-25 01:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-25 09:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-26 09:07 pm (UTC)See, if we want the list of things that make theaters unpleasant to go, lets start with broken seats and sticky floors.
Fix those, create 'adolescent and child free' showings, offer tickets and concessions at reasonable prices... those to me are bigger constraints then the chance someone might have left their cell phone on.