The Misperception of Ratios

[mishalak]

I spend a lot of time in the clouds thinking about big things and then people get the impression that I have a mountainous intelligence. That if I am able to think about these lofty things that I am equally or even more greatly gifted at lower levels, the ordinary things in life. Like a mountain with a peak in the clouds but a broad base supporting it. But that is not true. It would be more accurate to view me as a skyscraper, reaching those heights, but not any more gifted than anyone else. To continue with this analogy the supposedly humble few story office building is a lot less fragile and certainly a lot more practical with just as much space in it.

I remember a friend appraise my behavior after a party asking in effect why I could not make some ordinary small talk. I think he was running up against the same bad assumption that other people do when talking or dealing with me. I am not perfect or even that much more intelligent that other people. I just have a different aspect of intelligence, things that other people find hard I find easy and conversely I am often stumped by things other people find uncomplicated. The reason I do not make small talk is that I find it deeply difficult, as hard as other people find mathematics or to memorize all those historical dates.

I have been told that it is clear that I care very deeply about doing the right thing. And so people are mystified as to why I do not extend common courtesies like saying thank you for dinner. I am not sending a message when I forget, I just forgot. I try to remember every time, but for all my seeming intelligence that does not prevent me from making very basic mistakes. I am not perfect and I feel bad when I disappoint people by not being better than I am.

I do try, I do apologize when I realize I've wronged others, but I am just a flawed mortal like you. I am not disproportionately gifted Hermes.

Comments

[bovil.livejournal.com]

Small talk makes me uncomfortable. Something about filling silence with meaningless crap, I expect.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I view small talk as being something like diplomacy. It is finding whatever common interests to talk about and also a way of saying things without saying things. For all that I distained it when I was young I recognize the value of small talk, friendly smiles, and the other social niceties.

[bovil.livejournal.com]

Aah... for me that's something bigger than small talk. Small talk for me is something people say when they already know they don't have anything to say.

[johny--b.livejournal.com]

With me, I don't watch the same crappy shows others do, or read the news much. There are people I know, who I have nothing in common with...so there's that too. Even when I was growing up, though ((I admit to being a bit of a social butterfly,)) there are a lot of conversations that just pass me by, because I can't relate to a lot of the things my friends are talking about.

Sometimes things my friends mention get my attention, if I invest time in them...like the TV show "LOST." I've watched it at bit now...and there are things that have piqued my interests.

[johny--b.livejournal.com]

I should clarify that a bit, I don't watch Jerry Springer, Soap Operas, Top Model, and most of the stuff on UPN.

[qingting.livejournal.com]

I don't know how to small talk either. Or flirt. Or any of that other useless crap.
And knowing you as long as I have, I think you worry _way_ too much about doing the 'right' thing, even if those 'right' things seem almost Victorian to some of us.
Did I mention I'm also very direct?

-jude

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I do not mean to be old fashioned. And I do not have anything else to say.

[qingting.livejournal.com]

No need to say anything. Just live your life and be happy no matter what anyone else thinks.

Small talk vs sex-religion-politics

[(Anonymous)]

Perhaps I don't really get small talk (since I don't always do well in mainstream circles, that's VERY possible), but I often consider anything non-intimate as small talk. That encompasses media (which I am *way* too into), books, non-political current events, hobbies (mine or for this purpose better theirs), etc., etc. There's the elaborate etiquette niceties, like sending a handwritten note afterwards, or simply remembering to say something like Thanks or dinner was good. The former may be too complex, the latter merely takes reminding yourself until it becomes a habit. Kind of like the constant prompting of the adults the other night with the sprout and her little friend as they prepared to scamper off with their Halloween loot--"What do you say?" By the end of the evening they were saying Thank you pretty much on their own. Lots of that stuff is really just a habit. Looking forward to seeing you next weekend! --Rose

Re: Small talk vs sex-religion-politics

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I always thought that small talk meant small personal things. "Like your dress." "Nice weather we're having." Nothing overly intellectual.