A Lesson on Hair Care
Dec. 4th, 2004 01:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mishalak- or -
What a Gentleman ought to know about the Follicles that grow from the top of his own head but is not told due to the general neglect of both parents and the educational system as told by the distinguished Humbug, M. Mishalak, Minister of Memory and Culture for the incomparable City of Denver.
It may be thought by some that being a homosexual that I was born with some innate knowledge of things ranging from window treatments to proper hair care. Not so! As with so many young boys it was left to me to discover these things on my own and being the sort of child I was I never thought to ask. No, instead I picked up upon what I "should" do by seeing television commercials and became deeply paranoid that I had dandruff and no one was telling me. So I alternately used Head and Shoulders or Selson Blue for much of my adolescent years. That was mistake number one.
My second mistake was to assume that the directions on the back of the shampoo bottle meant anything at all. Many years later I learned how those simple words, "Wash, Rinse, Repeat" came about to sell more hair soap by a humble factory worker at P&G, but what else did I have to go on? So I did. I washed my hair twice every day with shampoo for years and no wonder my hair was this light poofy mess that floated about whenever there was the slightest static charge stalking about. Not to mention the slight flakiness I had was probably due to drying out my scalp by using too much of the stuff.
Finally I assumed that conditioner was girly stuff that no proper man would put in his hair. Unnecessary frippery that I would do without just as I never was proud to pay no attention whatsoever to clothing beyond having some (lots of plaid shirts and jeans). I was rough, tough, and deeply closeted (so I avoiding "gay" things even more than I might have if I had felt securely straight). What I learned later is that while some people might take the care of their hair a little too seriously on the other hand conditioner and some other things do actually make a positive difference.
First off a little science, because we guys like science. A hair is a sort of tube made up overlapping layers of keratin. In the center of this tube is either air, water, or oil and that makes a big difference to how hair looks. We all know about the polar bears, right? No? Well their fur is white because there is air in the center and that causes light to mostly reflect back through the nearly colorless keratin. This is also the difference between snow white hair and silvery white hair in humans. The silvery white hair has oil and water inside and outside the follicle (fancy name for a hair) so it refracts light in different ways.
So what of people with a bit more color in their hair? Ah well that's rather like stained glass. Varying amounts of the same melanin people have in their skin makes the hair range from platinum-blond to jet-black, with the added complication that there is a second type of melanin that is red. Generally speaking hair tends to look better when it has that depth of having oil and water inside the hair.
So Professor, what has any of this to do with shampoo? I mean that's all going on the outside of the hair and why are we doing that anyway?
Well you see oil goes bad sooner or later. Plus it will tend to get rather a lot of dirt stuck in it that won't come out and unless you're going for the First Slayer look with the dreadlocks and all (plus frequently a rancid smell, not unlike wet dog) you need to wash out the oil. Then you need to put on conditioner on to replenish the supply on the hair doesn't deplete the oil inside each hair. Plus it will make your hair softer and members of the gender of your preference will want to run fingers through your hair in a playful "you're so cute" sort of way. Added benefits are making your hair easier to comb and not do funny static things.
Now you only need to do this every other day or even every third day as needed. Yeah if you do something that involves lots of dust or soil you're going to do it more often, but that makes it all the more critical that you use conditioner.
Also, parents, teach your kids this sort of stuff when you stop giving them baths. Especially the boys since they likely will not pick this up from their peers. Otherwise they might end up not knowing until they're 23 and ½ years old and not having dates in HS to the point where they become evil mad geniuses bent on world destruction. And we don't need that, do we?
Next Time: Some Advice on Trimming the Thatch
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-04 12:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-04 07:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-04 05:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-04 07:28 am (UTC)At some point I'll probably write an article on the things that truly are unnecessary, but mostly if I keep this up I am going to focus on basic things I've learned about through trial and error that other people might find useful to find out at whatever age.
A heck of a lot of things that seem crazy from cooking to banking actually do make sense when they're explained.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-04 07:46 am (UTC)This is part of why I said "gentlewomen" rather than "ladies."
Another science bit
Date: 2004-12-05 03:45 am (UTC)I learnt this at the age of 26, when my pretend step-father was studying to become a hairdresser. They get put through huge amounts of chemistry.
Re: Another science bit
Date: 2004-12-05 11:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-05 08:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-05 06:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-05 11:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-05 11:13 pm (UTC)