History As a Funny Anecdote

[mishalak]

How the Hundred Years' War Started
Well as it turns out where the English kings actually came from was a place called Normandy, which is part of France, yes indeedy. It goes back to that whole William the Conquor thingy in 1066. Well flashing forward nearly three centuries finds a funny situation. The English kings do not have a lot of lands left in France, not that England owns bits of France, they're just doing this multiple hat thing where the King of England is also the Duke of Aquitaine (which isn't actually Aquitaine, it basically is just this city called Gascony), Count of Lower East Hogswallow, Baron of Little Pebbly Islands, and so on.

But everything seems about to change in 1328 when Charles IV, King of France and Navarre, snuffed it without having produced a male heir. Now this being the middle ages they were all against the idea of some little girl ending up owning a great big place like France, so it should go to ol' Charles's nearest male relative. Which by most definitions would be his nephew.

And here it starts to get tricky because his older sister, the one with the son, happened to get married to this guy named Edward who was part of that whole family that went off and got itself England. In fact Charles's sister is named Isabella who if you learned all your history from Braveheart was the French lady who got married to Edward the Longshank's son. And to make matters worse she'd recently disposed and possibly murdered her husband with the help of her lover Roger and she was doing this whole regent thing for her son. Not the least of which was because she wanted power and because she did not like that her husband was not only had a homosexual dalliance on the side, but that his lover's family was running a large part of the country because the king let them.

Now possibly because her son was too English, or because they didn't want a medieval Jerry Springer family ruling France, or just because they did not like women the French nobles decided that they would rather have a guy who was the direct male descendent of some previous king. So they got a guy named Philip of Valois who fit the bill and made him king using a law they either found or made up. Or both. There was a great tradition of making up an old law or finding actually old made up laws to get away with stuff in the middle ages.

Nothing much comes of this for a while because Edward III is busy coming of age and seizing power from his mum. Then there was trouble with Scotland again in 1333, (Second time around on that independence thing) and Edward went off to fight them. Philip VI (same guy who became king earlier) saw opportunity in this and supported David II (Scottish king) so that he could grab the remaining bit of France that belonged to Edward III. Unfortunately Edward III took care of the Scots very quickly and turned his attention to the whole "Hey you grabbed my Gascony!" situation. Well Philip was not going give it back and so as long as he was going to go to war over it Edward III decided to go for broke by demanding the whole of France at the same time by renewing his claim to the throne. And so from 1337 there was quite a bit of war for the next century even though France should have had a cakewalk of it.

Comments

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

Not the least of which was because she wanted power and because she did not like that her husband was not only had a homosexual dalliance on the side, but that his lover's family was running a large part of the country because the king let them.

Having once played the role of Edward's lover on stage, I must protest this libel in the strongest possible terms. ;)

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Oh come on, if I was having an affair with a king I would so totally try to get cushy state jobs for my family members. It's good to have friends in high places.

[tobesv.livejournal.com]

As a direct decendant (allegedly) of King Philip Valois, I enjoyed this summary a great deal. However "cakewalk" it was never going to be. The King's brother the Duke of Burgundy decided to support the English in return for, not sure, but I think: independence and a ton of cash. Also nationalism did'nt really exist as it does today, and there was not much of a standing army. A lot of the fighting was done by free companies who were often little better than brigands. French adoption of gunpowder cannon and organising a more formal military marked the turning point of the war (not forgetting Jean D'Arc). I'm not an expert so feel free to contradict any of this.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Well at the start it would seem like the French should win. Fighting on their own turf against a nation that had 1/8th the population. And I'll get into what caused it to go wrong in what I hope will be a funny style in a later post. And it was not all one way. At first the English were winning, the the French were kicking them out, and then Henry V came along, and after he snuffed it the French finally got organized enough to give them the boot.

[tobesv.livejournal.com]

Edit: that should be Jeanne D'Arc of course. D'oh.

You made history intresting

[cindy-reddeer.livejournal.com]

As someone whose eyes can glaze over easily, I quite enjoyed that. Favourite quote: "Hey you grabbed my Gascony!" (http://pics.livejournal.com/cindy_reddeer/pic/000787ty/)

Re: You made history intresting

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Woo! Now if I could just repeat that for 20-30 minutes I could be a teacher or stand-up comic. <grin>