Alive because of Luck

[mishalak]

A Pointless Story

When I first started dealing with being gay I was not at all a happy camper. In fact I had that whole self-loathing thing going on. I was depressed a lot, I would have been drinking but I was not old enough and didn't know the process of getting illegal booze, and I dropped out of college.

But by far the stupidest thing I did was having sex with a guy I met at this really awful dive of a gay coffeehouse. You see M____ was HIV positive. He was actually good enough to tell me that he was, but instead of running away I went ahead with sex with him. That whole "hate myself for being gay" thing. Well we had sex and didn't use a condom. That was profoundly stupid on my part, but remember I'm one of the luckiest bastards on the face of the earth. I didn't have more than that one night stand with him and when I got around to checking myself regularly, I was not HIV positive. I'm not to this day and that's why I say that I am alive because of luck.

Comments

[redbird]

Luck is good. (I think, though I'm not sure and we're supposed to gloss over this, that the chance of infection in a single encounter is less than half--though I don't know how much less.)

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

So I have learned from posting this. Rather good to know, makes the world seem less dangerous, though I'm stilly going to go on being safe. If you test your luck it won't work.

[redbird]

I'm going to go on being safe as well--lower risk doesn't equal no risk, or we'd all be immortal.

[magentamn.livejournal.com]

{rant}
It's a lot less than half, or a lot more people would be dead. I worked at Planned Parenthood for a few years, as the librarian. I got to read all kinds of medical journals, and stuff like the weekly Mortality and Morbidity Report from US Public Health.

AIDS is actually rather hard to catch. It's a very fragile virus that has to be spread from mucus membrane to mucus membrane, or through the blood stream. But don't let people, especially teenagers, know how hard it is to catch, or they will get careless, and the epidemic will be a lot worse. I've seen figures from 1 in 10 to 1 in 500, depending on a lot of factors. That's for sexual contact - sharing needles is much higher, for obvious reasons. But it depends on the type of sex,(anal, oral, vaginal) whether you are active (less likely) or receptive (more likely). Oral sex, there is far less risk UNLESS you have open sores in your mouth. Your general health may have something to do with whether or not you catch the virus, some people think. That may be why it has spread so devastatingly in Africa - poor general health..

Yes, you were lucky. No, don't have unprotected sex again (unless you've both been monogamous and tested.) But it's not as uncommon as you might think.
{/rant}

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Is a good rant. Though I won't downplay how stupid I was to be an unprotected catcher.

[dragon-smoke.livejournal.com]

I hope that your outlook has improved to the point that you take better care of yourself nowadays. Luck only lasts for so long (which is why, for instance, I am an extremely cautious driver now- I am sure my car luck/karma has run out).

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I rather hope my luck stays with me, though I don't test it. And I keep putting copper pennies in a jar to get rid of my bad luck. <grin>

[jcfiala.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you were lucky!

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

I'm rather glad I am too.

[alias-lilacgirl.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're not dead.

Gee...I should work for Hallmark. That was down right touching. :-)

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

That could be an exchange between Spike and Buffy. The Hallmark comment, totally Buff.

[alias-lilacgirl.livejournal.com]

LOL!
"I'm glad you are not dead. Ah...dead-er."

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I say that I am alive because of luck.

I think you might be surprised at how many people that's true of.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Probably not. I'm a fatalist, I believe we're all alive because of luck. Some of us are just more obvous about it. Sometime I'll have to post a friends only thing about something nearly as stupid where I came even closer to dying. But not tonight.

Not pointless. . .

[(Anonymous)]

Not pointless, trust me. I did the same thing and didn't care until much later. Luckily, I am not positive, but the fear and loathing that goes along with the idea that you might have caught the virus is something that I know very well. The story is not pointless because you are still alive. It can serve as a warning and as a caution to many. I tend to buy condoms for the people I know, even though I am not having sex because I don't want anyone to go through that like the way that I did. My reasons may have been different, not hating myself because I was bi, but hating myself for other reasons. But the end point of this is that I am glad that you are still around and still negative.

Meg

Re: Not pointless. . .

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Oh well I call all my personal stories pointless. Because in a way they all are. Rather like Llewellyn (http://www.ozyandmillie.org/cast.html) who tells long stories with obscure (if they exist at all) morals.

As in:
http://www.ozyandmillie.org/2001/om20011029.html
http://www.ozyandmillie.org/2002/om20020313.html