Closeted (But Still Wants to Have Sex)

[mishalak]

The title of this is what I see when I read or hear someone describe himself as "straight acting". Maybe I’m being totally unfair, but how else can I see that? He'll want to not kiss where anyone straight might see, he won't want to go to any queer events, no dancing together, and by gosh he'll never dress well. By thunder we should all be more concerned about how we act and fear being perceived as gay. Bleah.

I don't care if what I do is stereotypically gay or not. Fear of not acting straight enough is for teenaged boys who don't know any better, not grown men. If a guy wants to meet another closet case he can sneak to Log Cabin Republican events with, that's just fine, but I'm sure as hell not going to date him. I act like myself and I'm proud of it. And this is a warning for the outdoorsy or beer and football types who aren't actually closet cases to not use this phrase since it doesn't apply to anyone who'd actually put an arm around his rugged lover in public, just those cowards who want to hide.

Oh yes, and one more thing. Why the hell would I want to be the 'other man' to some 52-year-old guy who wants to cheat on his wife? I've been letting the ones that contact me have two helpings of my mind on the subject of closet case cheaters.

Comments

[ajournalguy.livejournal.com]

This was delightful. When I saw the title I wondered if you would get to married men. Have you noticed that "straight" or "straight-acting" also seems to mean stupid? Quite a number of them cite a need to be "discrete".

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

They love their code words saying things without coming right out and saying them.

[ajournalguy.livejournal.com]

Very true. Although I was refering to the fact that they were looking for the word "discreet" and tend to have spelling and grammar poorer than even the typical personal ad writer.

[gomeza.livejournal.com]

I suspect different men mean different things by the phrase "straight acting". When I was more active in the leather scene and when I worked at The Crypt leather store, there were a couple of customers who were the most flaming queens you can imagine. However, I have known several other gay friends who, while they are completely out and don't hide being gay at all, feel that the real flamers were insecure and have something to prove. As if they can't be "truly gay" unless they act like some sort of 1980's caricature of a gay man.

Nobody should have to worry about whether their behavior is "stereotypically gay", but on the other hand, I believe that if you are going out of your way to present a very silly flaming persona to the world, you are probably insecure about something, and not very sincere. It's pretentious as hell, and as far as I am concerned, annoying, because making an effort to fit any sort of stereotype is just as bad as being closeted, in my book. I note hastily that I've never known you to act out in that extreme manner.

*sigh* Why can't we all just "act natural"? (whatever that means)

OTOH, I can see where this phrase would turn into code for "please don't drag me kicking and screaming out of my comfy little closet".

[bovil.livejournal.com]

Nelliness knows no sexual orientation nor gender. There are more than a few guys who I've been known to refer to as "the nelliest straight guy ever."

I've also been there when a pair of neanderthals are exchanging trick cards at a leather bar, only what's on the trick cards aren't phone numbers but recipe notes.

Hell, I've been one of them.

"straight acting" in a personals-ads context is usually a red flag (and I don't mean red-left or red-right). Most often it can be interpreted as "I don't wanna be a nelly queen! I'm never going to give in to any impulse to do anything that might be interpreted as 'gay' (except have sex with men)!"

There are better ways to butch it up in a personals-ad. Ways that don't express contempt for one's self.

[ajournalguy.livejournal.com]

"Masculine" is a more acceptable word, in my estimation, and when they mean it the same way as "str8-acting" it's usually evident so you know to steer clear.

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

It's one of those phases that is so vague that it never had a change of being useful. Straight guys can act like anything. So far I've only seen it used two ways though. First is to mean "I never go out because I don't like the bar scene" which is totally ridiculous since that has nothing to do with straight or not. And the other is the one that I've highlighted in my rant.

[bovil.livejournal.com]

Jeff Resta, fabulous Seattle playwright and stand-up commedian, once got down to the meat of "straight acting."

"Isn't the definition of 'straight acting' 'not having sex with men?' I hear what you're saying, but think about it. It's not 'having sex with women' because there are a bunch of straight men who will never do more than think about having sex with a woman."

[mishalak.livejournal.com]

Not bad. I'll have to use that on the next "straight acting" guy who hits on me.

[bovil.livejournal.com]

"Lets be 'straight acting' together! You put on the TV, I'll get the brewskis, and we won't have sex!"

[gomeza.livejournal.com]

Wow, I just realized I'm straight acting.

*wink*