Murdery Mood

"Die apple tree!" I took the axe to the offending large plant with relish. The diseased trunk fell before my blows and I straightened to look about the garden. "And let this be a lesson to the rest of you minions. Grow healthy or suffer the consequences!" I dragged away the remains to give a druid funeral: left to return to earth in the open air.

The offense? Fireblight. Damn tree got it the year before and I, foolish one, tried to cure it by cutting it out. No. No. I should have saved my effort for minions proving their worth by being healthy and strong.

It is spring and a villainous gardener or landscaper's thoughts turn to plant murder at this time of year. It is time to kill off the under-performing and sickly lest other plants get the idea that they will be babied through difficulty. Also to murder the plants that are getting in your way or will be soon. All the sunflowers and asters sprouting too close to sidewalks and paths. It saves having to do it later. Also anything that just displeases or any arbitrary reason like that dandelion that looked a bit insolent when you walked by. Murder them all, and the sooner the better. Your land must feel the strength of your determination.

Also, plant murder is socially acceptable murder. Get all your murderous impulses out on the plants where no one can stop you.