I Am Not A Fan

At one time I defined myself by being a SF fan. Mostly a fan of fantasy, but I used the term "SF" because that was traditional. There was more than a little of the Peter Pan rejection of growing up involved in my choosing to be a fan as well as being a way for me to retreat from a world that I felt hostile. I still love books and fantasy books in particular, but I no longer define myself as a fan. I think that fandom was very good to be at a certain period of my life, but I am not interested in defining my life that way anymore.

It comes down to a question of priorities. Do I want to spend my time wrangling over the organization of the local convention or do I want to help get a gay representative elected to the legislature (for example). And at least with the local live action version of fandom there are not a lot of people who I feel like I want to socialize with. They are, still, mostly older than me and a high proportion are only interested in talking about their interests while ignoring the cues that say, "I would gnaw off my own leg if it would get me away from the conversation."

So that's why I'm not a fan. Instead I'm trying to make real life friends with a set of people who do things like go out for drinks and talk about politics. Many of them are my own age and I have hopes this may actually lead to having a boyfriend.