A Prayer to Steel

I do not wish to surrender. I do not wish to lay down my sword, but to continue the fight when it seems all hands are against me? Everything depends upon not giving up, not giving in, for if I lose there is nothing. Never again to hope for greener days ahead, nothing more than flickering half existence until the end. I think nothing can save me, but I struggle on without hope, through battles without meaning or number.

Even writing down what I feel might betray me, for who shall trust one who writes the things I do? The masters of this world want loyal fiefs that do not just obey, but believe in every word they utter.

My heart desires sleep without any troubling dreams. But I shall keep one eye open, I shall run the stone across my imperfect steel until it shines, and I will go on though I can see no clear path before me. By uncertain light, by the moon and stars, I may falter but I am determined not to fail.

Dream Standing

A Pointless Story
One morning about a year ago when I had stayed up far too late I staggered to the shower to try to wake up. Usually the hot water of a shower revives me quite nicely and that's why I shower in the morning rather than in the evening. Into the shower and then something very, very strange happened. I was standing there swaying a bit and suddenly I was dreaming. I dreamed I was in Vorkosigan House. There were vague encounters and I fled up a chimney that then started to tumble end over end. That continued for quite a bit and then I was back in the shower again swaying under the constant rain of warm water. My fingers were very prune-y and I found much to my horror that I had been in the shower, dreaming while standing up, for around an hour. Since then I have not tried to get by on so little sleep.