Mishalak in a top hat with a holly sprig and the words, "Merry Yuletide"
Oh tannenbaum, oh tannenbaum,
We'll still be vacuuming up your needles in July...

I've taken the tree out of the apartment and I'm deciding how ambitious I am to get the darn thing recycled. Right now the notion of just putting it in the dumpster and having done with it rather than using the gasoline to take it to somewhere I could get it recycled is winning.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
A question I would have loved to ask Immanuel Kant. "If reason cannot reach beyond the physical world why then do you think that something beyond the physical world can impinge upon the physical world and reason?" Or, "Is this just a clever trick to not deal with the problem or do you think that it is really true?"

This is on my (so called) mind today as I am cleaning and trying to better myself through learning today. I thank my lucky stars for books on CD.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
Work, yesterday, was less than fun due to negative interactions with employees. I did, however, finish the third of Lois McMaster Bujold's Sharing Knife books after work. I thought it better than the first two though the variant of Wrong Guy First in the book felt a little forced. Still, better than reading a teenage Fangbanger novel.

This morning I satisfied myself with making progress on cleaning as well as getting a full breakfast. And I'm going to carpool to work for once, doing my bit for the enviroment and so on. Well off to it.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
Woo hoo! I would love to be able to get rid of the Faux News results on Google. They are of no use to me since they're not factual. I certainly would pay for The New York Times, The Washington Post, or the BBC, but I'd never pay for the Wall Street Journal or any other Fox fake news outlet. I would love google even more without this content.
Mishalak wearing a furry hat in front of snowy pines.
I set myself on fire tonight, but not badly. I got out the last bit of Christmas pudding and I thought, "Oh hey, let's be fancy and set it on fire with brandy since it is the last bit." I heated it up, put brandy on it, and set it alight. I was enjoying the pretty blue flames and swirled it around and spilled some flaming brandy on my right hand. I was surprised and shook out the flames and was rather amazed to find that I was not hurt in the least.

Then I had pudding after the rest of the flames went out. It was good! So very good. I'm halfway tempted to make another pudding of some sort that I could eat in February sometime. And then maybe another for my nativity.

Work was also good today in that nothing went wrong. No successes, but nothing went wrong and I enjoyed my time at work. I also managed to do a load of laundry and a sink of dishes today. I hope tomorrow is much the same only with one towards my weekly work quota.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
For the average person in the long run the future looks better than the past. Less disease, more prosperity, and ever better technology. Unfortunately there is no such thing as an average person, he or she is an useful mathematical fiction, and in the long run we're all dead. Individuals and groups can fail to have a better future. Individuals and groups can also buck the trends of the larger group in which they are embedded.

Thus continuing to work hard towards our goals must be the credo for Americans. Yes, there are all sorts of good reasons not to be optimistic or to be disappointed at how things have turned out. It does not matter. We must still strive in both our personal lives and in the interlocking communities that we are a part of to make things better.

Hard work does not always bear all the fruit that we want, but it is far worse to do nothing. We should, at times, change what we are working towards rather than mindlessly continuing with the old plan as if nothing had changed, but in the absence of something better to try that is exactly what we must do. Redouble our efforts. Keep Calm and Carry On.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
I am having trouble with motivation as of late. It has been harder than usual to screw my resolve to the sticking point. I want a lot of different things. To have a decently clean apartment, friends (actual ones, not just electronic pen-pals), and some measure of progress towards long term goals. I suppose it is just a matter of breaking the problem down and getting started. But even that is hard because I am lonely (and needy) and doing a job when no one else is watching or cares is a very hard thing.
A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason
Oh. My. Stars. There is a full version of the Aunt Vivian (Ellen Greene) & Olive Snook (Kristine Chenoweth) duet of Birdhouse in Your Soul. It is only available as part of the full album on iTunes, but I am mightily tempted. Go listen! I think I prefer it to the original They Might Be Giants version.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
Well I've let myself be distracted again. I meant to start cleaning almost as soon as I got up and here I am online. Well at least I've managed to resist looking at any news sites. A bigger time suck I cannot imagine and with the way things are heating up over health care reform my head is likely to explode.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
Maybe I'm hopelessly ill informed, but haven't people crossing national borders been subject to random searches by people in authority since... well since we've had such a thing as borders? I've seen in various places people saying things to the effect that this is something new and very, very bad caused by paranoia over terrorism. But it seems to me that I've read about boats pulling fast for the shore to avoid revenue cutters in stories from the early 1800s. This seems to imply that conveyances have been searched for contraband by national governments for at least two centuries if not, much, much, much longer.

While it might be argued that a controlled border between the US and Canada is about as sensible as one between modern France and Germany that is a separate and different argument. And I'll note that the process of getting that open border between the different nations of Europe was rather lengthy and involved.

I am in favor of a more open border with Canada, but regardless of jokes about it being the 51st state Canada is a separate nation with its own laws, politics, etc. It seems a little silly to me to assume that going to another country is normally like going across town to visit a quaint ethnic enclave.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
I was depressed the other day and now I am cured through the power of really good tea. I should write a book about this natural cure "they don't want you to know about" and make millions of dollars! If I had no semblance of ethics. But whatever has caused my bouts of depression to be shorter I am glad of it. An intensely unpleasant two days is more than enough. Not that my life is actually any better now, I just don't care/worry about that fact. Pay attention to the Hic et Nunc! (As opposed to worrying about the big picture.)
Mishalak wearing a furry hat in front of snowy pines.
When I seriously reflect upon my life and my personality I am afraid of what lies in store for me. I see it every day when I'm working. Lonely old people struggling to keep existing in a world where their few friends have already died. I am a branch of a dying tree that is loosing its flowers without setting fruit. There is sun and time before winter, yet. There is no reason why I should not enjoy my time in the sun, but there is still a sadness under things for winter is coming and none has yet survived it.

I could wish I were other than what I am. It is hard to love a porcupine.
Mishalak wearing a furry hat in front of snowy pines.
Here is what actually went wrong. I got confused when I bought my turkey. I could have sworn that the expiration date on it was December 7th. It is possible I confused it with the expiration date on another bird I looked at. But whatever the case when I opened the bag on my turkey last night there was a smell and I looked for reassurance to the tag. Then I discovered my error on the date and realized that I'd wasted $22.00 that I can ill afford. I was greatly upset that my plans were all coming undone, to say the least.

This is just the latest way in which I feel that I'm not doing a very good job of managing my life. Progress has been very, very... very slow in getting my apartment clean and the prospect of getting a roommate is scary. In addition I would have liked to have turned some of the stuff I am getting rid of into cash. Or at least given the table to someone nice who could have used it. It is now out in the alley along with the first of six chairs. I feel like I've disintegrated somewhat since my breakup with Richard.

Well, while this is very disappointing I'll survive. I suppose I'll fix myself breakfast now and then make christmas pudding. That may cheer me up. And if nothing else my living room is now party clean so it is more than livable. Now if I could only get that far along in my room...
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
People are more or less the same everywhere. When it comes to denying the rights of minorities people are generally in favor of it. Or at least the people who are vocal and will turn out to vote against their fellow man are in favor of it. The enthusiasm to protect a group of people that are not your own is generally lukewarm. As long as a person feels this has nothing to do with their own rights, that protection of minorities as protection of ones own rights is a distant abstract, then they won't be bothered to actually do something in most cases.

Hence why on the one had a measure aimed at illegal immigrants driving in Denver went down to a flaming defeat by 7 to 3. It would have impounded the car of anyone caught driving without a license and put in place a $2500 bond to get it back. There were some bits of cut out to allow licensed drivers less trouble, but it would still have cost the city a lot of money to enforce and taken the police away from other activities. But primarily it was the fear, "What if I'm pulled over and I don't have a license?" that motivated people rather than any sympathy for unlicensed illegals. My own motivation was pretty much selfish.

On the other hand whether it is the Swiss banning minarets or American voters banning gay marriage the majority does not see a way that their own interests are being gored and so they let the vocal people in favor of hurting the minority have their way. There is a lukewarm majority in favor of abstract fairness and a level playing field, but these people are not very motivated to do something about it. Not until or unless they can imagine themselves needing or wanting something. Hence why Civil Unions, measures with provisions for couples straight or gay, can succeed narrowly.
Mishalak with long hair and modified so as to look faded.
A recent story line on The Devil's Panties has involved Jennie being single after years of having a boyfriend. Some of the comics have resonated with me rather a lot. The arc started with Jennie breaking up with Will and foreshadowed a bit with the comic on her sister breaking up. Only I was the dump-ee rather than the dump-er. I sympathized a lot with the sentiment of having no idea how to date and annoyance at the expense.

When I was newly single and trying to put a positive spin on my feelings this comic would have been appropriate for me. The thing is that I've sort of degenerated into a slothful bachelorhood after misadventures similar to this. And I had my fair share of being too specific when I was more of geek. In that respect I think being with Richard may have made me a better person to date, I'm not so focused on being a geek anymore that I think it a requirement that my boyfriend love reading fantasy novels. But I'm lonely and I don't think I have as many friends as Jennie. One of the ways that fandom was really bad for me (in addition to the good it did for me) was that I made a lot of friends two decades older than me who are even less available for socializing than people my age. And I'm over 30 now. I think I'm past my sell by date.

Still at least I know, more or less, what makes me happy at home. I've just got to keep working at pushing back the tide of bachelor mess. And the theme song for this week will be The Kink's "(Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman". Nine stone weakling unhappy with what I see.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
There is a lot of holiday music I would not care one bit if I never heard it again. But for some reason The Little Drummer Boy is actively annoying to me. I may not care for all the other schmaltzy and overwrought pieces that are played or sung around the holidays, but they don't rise to the level of being actively unpleasant (unless they are hip hop, I hate hip hop regardless of holiday song or not). Perhaps it is the sentimentality of the piece, yet I love White Christmas one of the most overplayed and too sentimental of holiday songs. Perhaps it is the religiosity, though I actually like even more religious songs that are more traditional like Oh Come, Oh Come Emanuel. Or perhaps there is no accounting for taste.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
When I was about four or five or so my absolute favorite book was The Monster at the End of This Book. I remembered it today because my co-worker and I fell to talking about our favorite Sesame Street characters and I recited lines from the book that I still remember nearly three decades later. And he laughed. It is a perfect book from beginning to end. The clever ways in which is breaks the forth wall and the way the writer, Jon Stone, captured the voice of a well known television character in in words.

"On the cover, what did that say? Did that say there will be a Monster at the end of this book??? IT DID? Oh, I am so scared of Monsters!!!"

I have not thought of this for years and I am suddenly nostalgic for it. I feel as though I should buy a copy of this book and give it to someone with a child of the right age. I think I loved the copy we had all those years ago to death.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
"And why in the world any of us steal a child away from a mother who loves it?"

"But you do have them, I've seen dozens with their nursemaids while I was here."

"Oh, we did not steal those. They were freely offered. In all times and all places there have been mothers to whom babies are a burden. Perhaps she needed money to feed her other children."

"That's horrible, you shouldn't take advantage of poor mothers like that."

"Horrible? We take children no one else wants. We take them all regardless of the color of their skin or misshapen limbs, giving them every advantage that our world can offer them, and that is horrible? I think perhaps the human definition of horror is different than our own."
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
If we cannot win in Maine, one of the least religious of US States, there is no state where we can win a popular vote. And given the state of the law in the United States of America that means that we won't get to marry in most places in my lifetime. It's done. It's over. This is an issue that cannot win because we're simply too small an minority and religious people are more passionate about denying us marriage than our straight allies are about giving it to us.

I'm not going to donate to the cause again unless polling shows a more than solid majority in favor of it. People lie on polls and this is why they consistently show a higher number in favor of gay marriage than will actually vote for it in the privacy of a voting booth. So unless we've got 60%+ support among likely voters we will not have a simple majority on election day.
Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
I think we may be within a two decades of being able to get commercial spider silk. Why? Because of two entirely separate articles I read. One, from Wired, about a silk cloth made from wild spiders. The other, from National Geographic, is about a largely vegetarian spider. This species, or others like it, could be the basis for genetically engineering a spider that could be raised on vegetarian feed in captivity.

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Mishalak with short hair wearing a blue shirt and looking upwards.
mishalak

January 2010

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