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Mishalak's Rules of Drinking
First Draft
A Reply to The Modern Drunkard 86 Rules of Boozing
1. Thou shall always have at least one glass of water (or other non alcoholic beverage) with something to drink, if not also something to eat. If the Russians or anyone else thinks this is wimpy, screw 'em. The goal is to have fun, not a contest to see who can have the worst hangover in the morning.
2. Drink what you like. If everyone else is having beer but you want a something fruity with an umbrella, order it! If you avoid drinking what you like because someone is going to tease you for ordering a "girly" drink you need to get some confidence and some better friends.
3. Tip, but don't tip extravagantly. Nothing says pathetic loser like throwing away money in trying to impress the bartender. Also tips are for good service, if the bartender is surly, mixes poorly, or treats you as sub human 'e doesn't deserve a tip. And in that case why the hell are we drinking here anyway?
4. If you try to pay me back money you owe me in beer you will die or wish you had. If you take my alcohol without permission you will die or feel like you did.
5. Buying someone a drink is cool, but it is uncool to expect that drink to pay for an evening of sex or a phone number.
6. Real friends do not challenge friends to chug anything. It's boorish and again this is about having fun, not a contest for quickest to be three sheets to the wind. If he wants to sip a shot, that's his own business. If you have a problem with this, get a life.
7. Never cook with wine you would not drink.
8. If a party is BYOB don't bring off brand down market junk and drink the high quality stuff someone else brought unless they offer some to you.
9. If a party is in a home, don't go into the bedrooms unless the doors are open or you have been specifically told to go into one by the resident. It is not okay to go around "just checking things out".
10. Don't complain endlessly about the bar/party/pub while hanging out there. If you don't like the situation just leave all ready.
11. It's only okay to drink alone if it is one glass with dinner.
12. A round of drinks for friends is a gift around anyone with sense. It should not be expected that everyone else in the group buy a round, this is the bloody well 21st century, not the 17th. And once more going out for drink is about having fun, not about getting falling down shit faced.
13. Someone being drunk is not an invitation to do nasty things to 'em. Be kind. In fact the poor drunk might deserve it, but still don't. May your luck always keep you from what you deserve and not giving it to someone else helps with that.
A Reply to The Modern Drunkard 86 Rules of Boozing
1. Thou shall always have at least one glass of water (or other non alcoholic beverage) with something to drink, if not also something to eat. If the Russians or anyone else thinks this is wimpy, screw 'em. The goal is to have fun, not a contest to see who can have the worst hangover in the morning.
2. Drink what you like. If everyone else is having beer but you want a something fruity with an umbrella, order it! If you avoid drinking what you like because someone is going to tease you for ordering a "girly" drink you need to get some confidence and some better friends.
3. Tip, but don't tip extravagantly. Nothing says pathetic loser like throwing away money in trying to impress the bartender. Also tips are for good service, if the bartender is surly, mixes poorly, or treats you as sub human 'e doesn't deserve a tip. And in that case why the hell are we drinking here anyway?
4. If you try to pay me back money you owe me in beer you will die or wish you had. If you take my alcohol without permission you will die or feel like you did.
5. Buying someone a drink is cool, but it is uncool to expect that drink to pay for an evening of sex or a phone number.
6. Real friends do not challenge friends to chug anything. It's boorish and again this is about having fun, not a contest for quickest to be three sheets to the wind. If he wants to sip a shot, that's his own business. If you have a problem with this, get a life.
7. Never cook with wine you would not drink.
8. If a party is BYOB don't bring off brand down market junk and drink the high quality stuff someone else brought unless they offer some to you.
9. If a party is in a home, don't go into the bedrooms unless the doors are open or you have been specifically told to go into one by the resident. It is not okay to go around "just checking things out".
10. Don't complain endlessly about the bar/party/pub while hanging out there. If you don't like the situation just leave all ready.
11. It's only okay to drink alone if it is one glass with dinner.
12. A round of drinks for friends is a gift around anyone with sense. It should not be expected that everyone else in the group buy a round, this is the bloody well 21st century, not the 17th. And once more going out for drink is about having fun, not about getting falling down shit faced.
13. Someone being drunk is not an invitation to do nasty things to 'em. Be kind. In fact the poor drunk might deserve it, but still don't. May your luck always keep you from what you deserve and not giving it to someone else helps with that.