mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
First off, for the many, many friends who have never called me (evil eye). You have not experienced the joy that is my phone message. And now I will share a few of the adoring responses.

As wonderful as it has been to have this on my phone for the last year, or so, I am contemplating changing it. Perhaps to the wonderful phone message presented in The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot. "Greetings, greetings, greetings. Well I seem to stuck in the sodding time vortex, again; so I can’t assist you. Just one of the many regrets of my life. Goodbye my dears." And if you have yet to see this production do yourself a favor and watch it!

Ironychan (of Get Medieval fame) had this witty thing to quote:
“Most people, in fact, will not take trouble in finding out the truth, but are much more inclined to accept the first story they hear.” — Thucydides, apparently describing tumblr in 420 BCE.

Aliens: The Other Green Meat
Also discussed yesterday after the Thanksgiving eating (some people said they were surprised we were polite enough not to do this during the meal), “How would you cook a Xenomorph from Aliens?” First thoughts were along the ideas of roasting. I suggested packing the eggs in hot salt after another attendee said that they would be perfect party food. Just think; it would open up very dramatically when cooked to reveal a tasty facehugger, which undoubtedly would be like soft shelled crab. Boiling alien heads was suggested and neutralizing the acid with lye or bakingsoda.

Then we starting thinking about trying to cook an actual alien themed feast. Perhaps making some sort of black-glazed stoneware that could be packed with a white fleshed fish and some form of pesto. Cooked spinach might also give a nicely alien mess. Asparagus would also work, potentially, but at a higher cost. I also thought that poppy seed pastry filling could work for making a dessert that had the right look. Personally I object to using food coloring because that feels like cheating.

mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Nice)
The unexamined world building that occurs in older books is sometimes nothing short of amazing. I happen to be reading The Darksword Trilogy by Weis and Hickman* and there is a sort of shoggoth in the corner**. In a world (cue deep voiced friend) where the population for some reason has decided to forgo sex for procreation as in Demolition Man there apparently is not a single homosexual relationship. Living in the 21st century I keep on seeing the remarks about deep friendship between two male characters*** and going, "Yes! Now we get to the good bit." Also I am going to say that the outlawing of sex is... crazy unrealistic for lack of a more graceful term. I have actually read short stories where the end of sex was a part of the story that did not seem totally crazy. Or at least the story was short enough that the cables in my suspension of disbelief bridge were not excessively strained.

I seemed to have strayed from my point. Right. If males and females are not having sex why the devil are the same sex relationships not all over the place like in Ethan of Athos? The real answer is that this was a poorly designed world is not particularly satisfying. I am also considering just jumping to the end rather than reading the book and a half remaining.

* I have no excuses as to why other than the book was part of a pile I am attempting to deal with. This is a poor excuse, I know, so do not ask for a better one unless you are prepared to pay for it.

** A shoggoth in the corner is, of course, when a person is not acknowledging the giant amount of racism present in the works of H.P. Lovecraft. I invented this term at the Discussion of Cuthulu portion of the Dasfa New Member Greet & Chit Chat last Saturday. I think everyone should adopt it.

*** Also, there is just one female in the books other than as background characters until the middle of book two. The one female who appear earlier? A crazy controlling mother who kept her son imprisoned in her ramshackle house brushing his long curly black hair in a sort of gender reversed Rapunzel until she was killed setting the boy on his path towards vengeance. Really, I was seeing so many gay stereotypes there it was not even funny. The long hair, crazy mother the only one he's close to, keeping secrets from everyone... It is a sorcerous Norman Bates!
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
I just got it. Well not really, I just thought of an amusing way to think about StarKist's mascot Charlie the Tuna. For those who don't know Charlie the Tuna wants to be caught by StarKist because this will prove that he's a Tuna with good taste. Okay, hipster, wears a beret, and wants to be eaten... Oh my gosh, he's into kinky sex! He's a forerunner of those guys on the internet who want to be killed and eaten as part of a cannibalistic orgy. Or did StarKist unintentionally create them?
 
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
"I come in peace," it said, adding after a long moment of further grinding, "take me to your Lizard."

Ford Prefect, of course, had an explanation for this, as he sat with Arthur and watched the nonstop frenetic news reports on television, none of which had anything to say other than to record that the thing had done this amount of damage which was valued at that amount of billions of pounds and had killed this totally other number of people, and then say it again, because the robot was doing nothing more than standing there, swaying very slightly, and emitting short incomprehensible error messages.

"It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."

"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"

"No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like to straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did," said ford. "It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (The Colorado Peach)
So I'm doing quite a bit of chocolate melting as of late. I’m getting quite proficient at it and have had some notable successes in making them come out without speckles and looking pretty nice. I've also had some monumental failures; my exploding truffles just didn't work at all. I mean I invited in my smoking neighbor and offered her one, she ate it right up and said it was v nice, but then not even a pfft. Much less the kaboom I was supposed to get. Feh. An evil genius's life isn't an easy one.

I am quite pleased with my mind control nut clusters. Not only did they come out looking perfect with stupendous mouth feel I was able to use them at work last Wednesday to turn my coworkers into zombies. Not an enormous feat, but still a solid success. If my plot to produce them in quantity works I'll take over the world by next Valentine's Day.

Well even if my scheme to take over the world with confections doesn't work out I can still use them to torment fellow mad geniuses on the Atkin's Diet. And I and lick the bowl after I'm done melting down the chocolate. There is no downside here! I think I'll call Helen B. Narbon to gloat over what I'm doing.

Further idea: I should combine honey and vodka to fill chocolates. Totally brilliant idea. I could call them vodka ambrosias.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Snark)
Spam from self-published author. Hurm actually spelled my name correctly. Well I suppose I'll respond. Here we go...

"Mr. ____

"This is our policy on unsolicited press releases. We delete them unread and unopened if we can help it. We will not consider your book for our reading list (since if you actually read our website you'd find we don't have one) and we will not promote your book for you.. Maybe you think you are different, that you should be the one exception to our policy of ignoring commercial solicitations. If so there is a way around this policy. Send a check for $10 made out to "DASFA" to our treasurer, Dave Gibbons 3225 W. 29th Ave. Denver, CO 80211. We will then read the missives you send us."

Hey, the worse that can happen is he actually sends us $10 and then we have to read his press release. More amusing would be if he gets indignant about our behavior or something.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Blondie)
An exciting game for 3-5 players.

You're a true red tie liberal and perfectly happy except for one undeniable fact. Everyone else in America makes Winston Churchill look like a leftie. So you have a plan, you're going to escape to Canada! But it won't be easy. There are many dangers along the way including moose, survivalists, alien space craft, and more moose! You also are dragging along many things that you packed up to continue your life in Canada including wardrobes, books, and paperweights. Try not to drop too much while you go sneaking through the woods. But you'll meet many friends along the way as well, including wolves, Mounties, and sometimes your fellow escapees.

Coming soon from Mishalak Rips Off Cheapass Games Ltd.

Yes this is a joke.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Blondie)
Am v. silly tonight.

Entertainment
You shall watch Musicals and feel no shame. Further you must seek out at least one musical to enjoy and promote to all your fellows.

You shall find one Romantic Comedy, with either a gay or straight couple, to enjoy in each year. If you prefer a musical with romance may be substituted for this requirement.

By these acts shall our covenant with the evil Hollywood Conspiracy be kept and in turn they shall promote out lifestyle.

Food
You shall not eat sugar or unhealthy fats, if you are overweight. He who is a proud part of the Bear Tribe shall be exempt from this. Also exempt are any who fervently promises to work it off, even if no one believes him. His associates shall keenly and unfairly mock one who do not exercise and still eat of the forbidden foods. Also exempt are those in need of comfort when under emotional stress.

You shall never swallow plain tap water. Filtered, mineral, or seltzer with or without a natural flavoring, shall be what you demand. If the circumstances demand you may drink tap water that has been allowed to settle in a refrigerator no less than eight hours to let the chlorine escape.

Sports
If you watch NASCAR you shall be anathema to your fellow Homosexual Conspirator. He that watches the redneck sport shall be unclean until he repents and shunned by all. Their dark masters oppose ours. Plus we really wanted one hard line commandment.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
Congressional Walk \kən-'gresh-nəl wŏk\ n 1 : a manner of walking in a group where everyone in the group thinks someone else is leading and thus the group's path is a random amble. Similar to the motion of an ouija board or the actions of a committee where no one wishes to be singled out at the guy to be blamed for a decision. See also herd behavior.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (The Prince)
We were just getting to the good bit where our Elrond Hubbard starts doing the bit about psychologists when a tall elf with long hair pulled back into a ponytail enters the room with a shorter elf with short blond hair. "I'm here from the firm of Fen and Geller representing the Church of Rivendelogy, we have copyrighted this and therefore you must all clear off! All you actors, stop acting. That's right 'Frodo', put down that book of copyrighted church papers." The shorter elf nods in agreement without saying anything. That was the end of our parody and I hope never do get involved with Rivendelogy again. I've still got scars from when the short one tried to bite the ring off my finger.

(This is me, releasing strangeness into the night. Plus people seem to like this sort of fannish stuff.)
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (thoughtful)
Cuthulu was in a particularly bad mood. He had been rising as foretold form the depths of the Pacific ready to wreak havoc and rule anew when he had been clocked from behind with something very heavy. In all his untold millennia never had he been treated with such disrespect and now he was ready to let everyone know about it.

His grey green head rose above the waves into the overcast day and he screamed his mind shattering annoyance at whatever creatures had the temerity to knock him cold for three weeks with a piece of space junk. His ire settled on a relatively nearby ship. He started to move towards it ready to tear it asunder when suddenly he heard a very loud voice. It was stunning in its power to moral ears and now amplified through giant speakers it stopped him cold.

"Hello there!" she shouted through the microphone provided by those nice navy men. She really didn't understand why it was of national importance that she should invite around this dubious character to dinner, but the truly significant fact was that finally her importance had be recognized. And by the government, and the men sent 'round to collect her wore such impressive black uniforms and she wasn't going to let anything like doubt to enter into her mind. She shouted greeting again.

Richard had revived at the amplified sound of her voice and made his way out onto the deck. "Hyacinth what are you doing?!?"

Hyacinth turned away from the microphone for a moment to talk to him. "Just being friendly with the creature of the outer darkness Richard, no reason to be impolite."

"Oh Mr. Terror from the outer dark I am so pleased to make your acquaintance. Would you care to come by for tea? Or dinner, yes, I think that would be quite nice. I'm planning a quiet and very tasteful candlelight dinner for some people of quality."

Never had anything like this happened to him before. The horror which cannot die, the unmovable terror, felt a foreign feeling faced with this unbendable ego. Not just the voice (though that was bad enough), but the way that reality seemed to warp reality in some strange way. He felt a niggling bit of... fear.

Richard shouted at her from behind, "But dear, don't do that! He might notice you!" He was trying desperately to understand and not understand the horrible thing standing out there in the ocean. Perhaps this was all just a very bad dream, yes that must be it. It was just a nightmare about one of her candlelight dinner parties. That made much more sense.

"Oh do you think so?" she asked him, forgetting this time to take the microphone away from her mouth. "I do hope that means I'll finally be accepted as a person of quality."

Cuthulu also is feeling like he is in a nightmare. After another shout from the strange creature on the ship he isn't thinking too clearly. The stray thought that he could just deny that anything like this every happened and no one would dare contradict him crosses his mind. That was more than enough for his body; he turned gibbering slightly, to flee back into the ocean. Behind him Hyacinth was shouting something about him leaving.

In the final report this would be written up as a success. Even though several henchmen had to be scarified to Hyacinth's dinner party by the alliance of Mad Scientists that came up with the plan to stop the big C by first braining him with Mir and then setting Mrs. Bucket (pronounced bouquet) on him.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (The Prince)
Right, some of you have done the first part. But I can tell almost no one has done their duty in stuffing the Crew of Grenadine Tammany Hall Style Party Poll. Thought I had given up on that, did you? Well I won't until we get triple digits or my friends take to tying me up so I can't go on about it. Go round up some voters! Right now Clicky Thing and a Steampunk Party are running neck and neck. The rest are all still in contention so if you want something to win, get out the vote! As added incentive whatever group wins will be eligible for a prize of random fiction done in that style. Wanna see me write fanfic for one of those movies, books, or shows? Get out the vote!

Secondly I have tomorrow off. And I'm going to Timmy & Kaia's game night on Wednesday as I don't have to be to work until noon on Thursday. People who wish to join me should contact me pronto.

One more thing, this is the 22nd consecutive day I have posted something in my journal. Wow. Not too shabby. Of course now that I've pointed this out the universe is going to smack me one so I don't get to 31.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (blondie)
And now, desperate, the man who had not voted in my poll cried out to me, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MISHALAK!

"Yes for the love of god," I replied and placed the last block into the wall.

And in the score of years since he has voted in every Tammany Hall Poll. (And you should too.)
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (blondie)
Ah the sun is shinning, a few birds are chirping, and the lights glint in the trees on Main Street. And Mishalak is seen running down the street, naked, shouting VOTE TAMMANY! The few people on Main Street pause for a moment then go back to what they are doing because that wasn't that much out of the ordinary. Not like a zeppelin crashing into the Masonic Temple.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
The Crew of Genadine Tammany Hall Poll is up for voting! Why haven't you voted? You have? Why haven't you convinced someone else to vote for you? Hack the system! Vote twice! Everybody votes on election day! And until we say the polls close every day is election day! Get out there and round up some more voters, it's not how often you vote it's how often the vote goes your way! Vote early, vote often, vote TAMMANY!

-The Mngmt
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
The Lipson-Shiu Corporate Type Test linked by my frood [livejournal.com profile] dougs is marvelously cynical commentary on corporate life and personality tests. When thinking about fandom (rather than my actual job situation) I came out as a ILIG (Archangel).

"The ILIG is the ideal person to be in charge of anything: trustworthy, effective and devoted to the cause. Unfortunately, none have yet been found. If the test evaluated you as this you are probably an ILIE or ILUE (and covering it well) or a SCUG or SCUE (and not safe to be typing on anything electrical)."

Though naturally I really am a ILIG and not a ILIE.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (The Prince)
I toss on the waves of my mind somewhere between fluttery heights and depths where I hide under a table clutching at my head. Dreams, nightmares, hope, and despair. I am riding the lion tonight, so I listen to The Ghost and The Darkness. Unsettled music. Give me spice! Sweets for the sweet, my head is full of bees, say my name three times.

I think the only thing I would like better than not existing after I die would to become a legend. Something that happens on dark nights. A whisper of velvet and fright.

This weekend I am going to cook a whole chicken to see how my turkey might come out if I do it non traditional.
mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
I swear. I mean look that the wording of some of these things.

“An opportunity is never lost. It’s just found by someone else."

"Service is the lifeblood of any organization. Everything flows from it and is nourished by it. Customer service is not a department...it's an attitude."

"Go over, go under, go around, or go through. But never give up."

"There are two ways of meeting difficulties. You alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them."

Pair these up with some goth pictures and you have the office décor of W&H.


When I'm feeling snarky at work I make up new ones in my head. "Leadership: To lead is to inspire your followers to wade through oceans of blood to achieve your vision."

"Prophesy: Just because it is written doesn't mean that it has to come true in the most obvious way."

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mishalak: A fantasy version of myself drawn by Sue Mason (Default)
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